Journeying to the Other Side of Breast Cancer: There Is Rest For The Weary

I am amazed by they way God speaks to me any way He must in order to remind me I am never out of His sight or His reach. I am forever in His divine care.  This morning Facebook shared with me the following, much needed memory from April 7, 2015:

In a vision, I saw myself standing shoulder to shoulder on the top of a High Mountain Peak with The Lord. We stood looking over the land, which appeared to be a huge valley, below. The Lord stood with His hands behind His back. I stood with my arms at my sides wondering what we were looking at. From my limited eyesight I saw nothing with clarity. It was a bird’s eye view similar to that of looking at the earth from an airplane window. However, The Lord’s view was much clearer than mine. I could tell He could see more just by the look in His eyes as He gazed into the earth below. I didn’t ask any questions, but He offered, “Many of My people have felt as if they were alone in a chasm of despair. Theirs has been a monumental valley experience. They neglected to simply look up. Here I stand atop the Mountain Peak bidding all who are weary and heavy laden to come that I may give them the rest they so desperately seek. The valley is not a place of habitation. It is merely a pass-through. In order to ascend from the valley one must be willing to climb. When you reach the high place, the mountaintop, the things of the valley are no longer an intimate part of your existence. They can only vaguely be seen. However, the lessons learned, the skills developed, the character established remain with you always. The valley experience is never meant to destroy you, neither is the climb to the mountaintop. In all things, be it peaks or valleys, the experience is only to draw you nearer to Me. That we may stand together shoulder to shoulder as kindred, carrying out the will of the Father who sent Me, in the power of the Holy Spirit whom I left with you. Do not settle in the valley. Do not fear the climb. Come up higher that My perfect will may be established in you and through you for such a time as this.”

For today, my hope rests in the truth of God’s Word. In Matthew 11:28-30 (NIV), Jesus invites all of us who have been traveling through our valley experiences and have grown weary to, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” I’m just going to keep climbing, while I rest. 

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Journeying to the Other Side of Breast Cancer: The Leaning Tower of Lisa

Last night my oldest daughter, Ashley, sent me some pictures of her dad, who passed away 15 years ago. My response to her text message was: ‘WOW!! Be still my heart… I remember that young man. I was so in love with him! Well, as much as you can be in love at 14!’ Seeing the pictures of him sent my mind on a rare journey back to my high school days.

I was by no stretch of the imagination among the popular or well known girls for one reason or another in high school. I was the girl who came and went without any fanfare, mostly unnoticed. And that suit me just fine. I’ve never been a spotlight, center stage, everybody-look-at-me kind of person. I guess that is one of the reasons joining the rest of the free world on Social Media has been such a struggle for me. I always thought my desire to fade into the background as much as possible was just part of my personality. But as Jesus and I strolled back down memory lane I was able to see teenaged me differently. 

I have been a Jesus lover since I was five years old. I distinctly remember responding to the alter call that invited me to accept the free gift of salvation. I didn’t know or understand what salvation really meant. I just knew I loved Jesus and I believed He was the Son of God, born through a virgin, was crucified, died, and raised to life on the third day just like the pastor preached. If asking Him to live in my heart and being baptized meant He would not only be with me always, but one day He would come take me from this crazy place I was all in! I was also five when I began being molested. 

According to Wikipedia, Italy’s Tower of Pisa’s “tilt began during construction, caused by an inadequate foundation on ground too soft on one side to properly support the structure’s weight. The tilt increased in the decades before the structure was completed and gradually increased until the structure was stabilized (and the tilt partially corrected) by efforts in the late 20th and early 21st centuries.”

My fifth year of life began the pouring of a foundation that was inadequate and too soft on one side to properly support the weight of the abuse I was suffering. As a result I began to tilt. On the one side, I absolutely loved Jesus and tried to believe He loved me, but on the other side I just could not understand how this One that I loved so much who was powerful enough walk out of a tomb did not prevent or stop what was happening to me. As my life progressed I became a “tower” of strength for anyone who needed a shoulder to cry on, someone to talk to, someone to just listen or pray for them… anything anyone needed, just ask me. I guess I figured since Jesus wasn’t able to be who He said and I believed He was for me, I would try to be Him for anyone who needed Him as much as I did. I was just going to ride out the turmoil in my life that seemed to be never-ending until I died or Jesus returned, whichever came first. In either case, I would finally be free to LIVE!

What I have considered just “existing” most of my life really has been living all a long. Jesus and I have lived through molestation, a broken family, having three beautiful daughters by age 21, abuse, abandonment, more surgeries than I can count, and we’re steadily moving forward in our breast cancer journey. Though I haven’t been a fan of the tools He has used, the cancer hammer has helped me see how much construction Jesus has done to level out the foundation of my heart that began 41 years ago. Never did I imagine He would use the very thing that I thought compromised the foundation of who He created me to be so much that I was unrepairable, to ultimately stabilize all of the construction he has done on my heart. 

This morning I am able to see how without being molested, all of the poor choices and painful things that have occurred over the course of my living thus far, you end up with a different me. I don’t know that I would be as compassionate as I am now or love so fiercely and unconditionally. I’m not sure I would have a passion for teenage moms, women’s issues, and young people in general. Though I can’t say that my tilt is completely level just yet, I am still actively under construction. Well, probably more like deconstruction and reconstruction. In the areas where I still lean, I know Jesus is holding me up, because Proverbs 18:10 (NIV) promises, “The name of the Lord is a fortified tower; the righteous run into it and are safe.”

There is a tremendous difference between being childish and child-like. For today, I am thanking Jesus that with all the work He has and continues to do on me He has helped me keep my child-like heart. Although I am excitedly looking forward to His return, I am just as excited to live out my life with Him right here on earth until he does.

(SN: Every since I typed the words “back down memory lane” in the second paragraph I have not been able to get Minnie Ripperton’s song, “Memory Lane” out of my head. I have already downloaded it and listened to it on repeat twice! If you are too young to know who she is or the song, she is Mya Rudolph’s (the actress and comedienne) mother and a fellow breast cancer warrior. She was diagnosed with breast cancer and had a mastectomy in 1976, at age 28. The cancer had already spread to her lymphatic system and she was given six months to live. She died three years later. If you’ve never heard her voice. You don’t know what you are missing! She’s definitely worth checking out. You’ve probably already heard some version of her song “Lovin’ You.” It’s been sampled a lot.)

Journeying to the Other Side of Breast Cancer: Same Song…

So… This started out as a Facebook post and was getting way too long. I didn’t realize I had so much to say. So, for those of you that may be reading this and have already read my crack of dawn Facebook post, you can scroll down to the 5th paragraph if you would like to finish reading the words in my heart:

Up with the birds and I mean that literally. There is a bird that shows up outside of the window closest to my bed about this time faithfully almost every morning. Sometimes it shows up with a friend or two. In either case, it sings so beautifully the same song. This morning, I woke up singing along with my faithful friend the chorus from “Same Song,” by Digital Underground. It made me think of what an amazing God I serve. 

The last six years have been among the hardest of my life. And that is saying a lot, because I have come through some really traumatic circumstances that seemingly occurred in rapid succession my entire adult life. And yet, here I sit, singing with my bird, before dawn, the same song. Unlike Digital Underground’s version, mine is the song of my heart that continually, consistently, and faithfully sings the same love song to Jesus come hell or high water, be it sickness or abuse, loss or despair, turmoil or tragedy, my heart’s song remains the same. 

Like poor Mumble from “Happy Feet,” my song is sung in ways that often make me feel like an outsider looking into the world of the “normal” people. My song makes me love Jesus so much that it spills over and makes me want to just love at all cost. And it has cost me greatly to do so. No matter how deep the pain or devastating the heartbreak, I just love. To do anything else is too hard. For me, it is a true challenge to stay angry, hold onto offenses, and remain in a constant state of despair. Love, however, seems to flow effortlessly from my heart no matter what I feel like or am facing at the time. 

I said ALL of that to say. Only my heart’s song of love for Jesus could have me sitting here, singing with my bird friend, thanking God for cancer, because it has freed me in a way I cannot really explain. I don’t feel “abnormal” anymore. I’m just me. The stroke left me with practically no filter so words just fly out of my mouth, before I have a chance to catch and assess rather or not I should say them. Thankfully, my heart doesn’t seem to have the capability to be purposefully hurtful. So, most of the things I say makes people laugh. I have my own brand of humor that can find a joke, a laugh, or at the very least a smile in most circumstances. Also due to the stroke, numbers still make my head hurt and can bring me to tears. Money is just green pieces of paper be it $2, $20, $200, $2,000, or $2,000,000, it’s all the same to me. Spending time with the people I love doing anything or nothing is a great day.

I see, hear, and feel Jesus in a way that even seems strange to me sometimes. I talk about Him constantly, because I love Him so much and He is the only man in my life right now. He enables me to see through His eyes so I see people from the inside out, not the outside in. In fact, I can meet someone and talk with them face to face for hours, but if you ask me what they look like all I can describe is what I saw and heard in their heart. I notice smiles or the absence of them, kind, loving eyes or mean, hateful ones, hearts that are beautifully humble or pridefully arrogant, jovial hearty laughs or small fake ones… all the things that reside beneath the skin. Cancer has helped me see I am who I am and who I am may work for some, but not so much for others. Either way, I really don’t care. I’m just going to keep being uniquely me, thanking God for those who are an added blessing to my life, not mad at those who choose not to be a part of it, and holding no grudges or animosity toward those I or Jesus remove.

For Today, I am not only thankful for the opportunity to experience cancer. I am thankful I had the opportunity to experience a stroke first. It prepped me well for this mountainous, tumultuous climb. Were it not for the stroke, I would be ill equipped to handle all of cancer’s blows and nuances. As I did when I had the stroke, I look for something daily that I can thank God for that wouldn’t have been without cancer. Today, I am thanking God that I am able to be unapologetically, unashamedly, openly ME!

(SN: This post would make a great introduction for me on one of those online dating apps. Were it not for the fact that the idea of dating and all that comes with relationships really creeps me out right now, I would spend the rest of the day seeing how many “fish” I could catch, how many Christians I could “mingle” with, how many “matches” I could make, or how many men could flow with my “harmony”! 😄)

Journeying to the Other Side of Breast Cancer: One Down 11 to Go…

The night before chemo I was still feeling somber inside after having to cut my hair. I wish I could say I did something to feed my spirit like, pray, read my Bible, or watch a sermon, but I did not. I put on my headphones and listened to my Bruno Mars Playlist and danced until I was tired. Eventually I went to bed and fell asleep fully prepared to be upset when I woke up and to cry during chemo. To my surprise I woke up feeling really good. I woke up singing a song that Bruno has never recorded and can only be found on SoundCloud called, “Today My Life Begins.” It is a very uplifting song, but as much as I like Bruno Mars’ music there is a time for everything. The morning of chemo was not the time for Bruno Mars. I needed Jesus to sing to me. So, after I listened to that one song, I immediately put my Jesus and me Playlist on shuffle. The first song that played was “There is a Balm in Gilead,” by Karen Clark-Sheard. One of the next songs that played was “Winning,” by Charles Jenkins. As I got dressed and did my version of getting dolled-up, I said, ‘I hear You, Jesus. We got this!”

Before I have my chemo infusions I have to see my oncologist first. I really like Dr. Mendoza and respect his medical opinion greatly. However, he and I were not in total agreement over the type of chemotherapy I opted for. It is the lowest and least toxic option out of the choices he gave me. He would’ve preferred that I do the mid-range treatment. That just didn’t work for me. I prayed about it and when Dr. Mendoza, my daughter and I first discussed it I thought we were on the same page, but we were not. I will do a total of 12 treatments with approximately 3 weeks between treatments, which turns out to be a total of 27 weeks, almost 7 months.

Ultimately, my body is not my own. Jesus paid a hefty price for me. And He gave me the peace and confirmation I needed that this was the way to go. So, if by chance there are some straggler cancer cells that remain after having surgery, doing chemo, radiation, making a radical change in my diet, and taking a hormone pill for 5 years, I FULLY trust that the blood of Jesus will arrest and deposit them back in hell. I declared today, in that Infusion Unit, I will NEVER have cancer again. And that is enough said about that!

My nurse, Arlene (pictured above), was an absolute joy! I think it was her smile that grabbed me when I asked her if she was camera shy, because I wanted to take a picture with her for this blog post. Obviously, she said she wasn’t and graced me with the honor of taking a picture with her. And I do count it as an honor. I could not imagine doing what she does everyday. The atmosphere and the people she treats with such great care are so sad. I could feel how much pain and sorrow many of them are carrying in their hearts. I get it. Cancer is a weighty issue. That’s why I have been saying that I don’t understand how people go through cancer without Jesus. 

Yesterday, as I sat for the last 20 minutes of my treatment, the Lord whispered in my ear, “Trying to go through cancer without Me is a weighty issue indeed. For only My shoulders are broad enough and strong enough to carry it, which I already did for ALL mankind when I carried the cross up the mountain, was nailed to it, and gave up My life. Not only did I carry your cancer and the cancer of those you will come to know during this journey, but I defeated it on your behalf when I got up from the grave! Everyone has the same opportunity to receive from Me the promises I have secured for ALL who choose to invite Me into their hearts and build a relationship with Me. I am more than just a Healer, Deliverer, and Savior. I am also a Friend to ALL who choose to enter into relationship with Me. You will represent Me well in this place. For as you have often said, ‘To know Me [Jesus] is to love Me.’ They will come to know Me through you.

Never did I imagine I would actually be excited to go to my next chemo treatment! How crazy is THAT! I go back on April 13th, the day before Good Friday. Isn’t God’s timing awesome! I am going to make Easter/Resurrection Sunday baskets for the Nurses Station and give out candy bags or something more “cancer friendly” that isn’t filled with sugar. But, from the looks on the faces of the people that were there yesterday, I honestly don’t think they will care. We’re getting pumped with poison anyway. I’m sure it can knock out the effects of the sugar from a Hershey’s Kiss or two. Probably the wrong way to look at it, but that’s how I see it today.

For Today, I am just resting with my BFF, feeling so very grateful He thought enough of me to give me this assignment. What I know for sure is that Infusion Unit will never be the same. I plan to leave it better than it was before I was “invited” to join them. Anyone who know me, knows what a big ray of SONshine I can be. I’m definitely going to respect everyone’s personal space, but Jesus and I are going to be unforgettable!

Journeying to the Other Side of Breast Cancer: Meet the Newest Member of My Team…

The beautiful woman on the right, pictured above, is the newest member of my breast cancer team. Her name is Colette Simms and she is the hairdresser responsible for making me look beautiful today. I don’t have a relaxer in my hair and wasn’t sure what it would look like short and straightened. Colette did things with a flat iron that I didn’t know could be done. 

Over twenty years ago, when my baby sister, LaShawn was graduating from High School she needed her hair done for her senior pictures. She missed the original date and was scheduled to have them taken on a make-up day in the summer. She decided she wanted a new look and got her hair cut short. I lived in Pittsburgh at the time and just happened to be visiting her and my mom here in Maryland the day she got her hair done. I still remember the devastation on her face when she got home. To say she was not pleased with her hairstyle, would be an extreme understatement. 

I have been able to do my own hair since I was in elementary school. My older sister, Leslie, was always a willing guinea pig for new styles, hair color, or braids. She would let me do ANYTHING to her hair. Over the years I got really good with braids, but decided to leave relaxers, cuts, and color to the professionals. Braids, however, I can only do myself because I am too picky about how they look. Knowing my amateur hairstyling skills, LaShawn asked as soon as she came in the door, “Lisa, is there anything you can do with this!” Reluctant to take on the challenge, I told her I didn’t have anything to do her hair with, because my hair was braided. My mom, unable to stand how despondent LaShawn was, sprung into action. She got on the phone and called a close family friend, Ms. Carol, that didn’t live too far. She was certain she must have some styling products and tools at her house. She was correct. 

When LaShawn and I got to Ms. Carol’s house, she greeted us at the door and immediately led us to the bathroom, where a plethora of hair products and tools awaited our arrival. Ms. Carol, stood in the doorway as I attempted to work my extra special she-done-messed-up-my-baby-sister’s hair “magic” on what remained of LaShawn’s hair. As Ms. Carol looked at my baby sister whose face was on the floor, she said something I have never forgotten and have since shared with my daughters and many other women. Ms. Carol said, like only she could, “Shawn, I understand. If your hair ain’t right, your a$$ ain’t right!”

I took you on that trip down memory lane only to illustrate what hair often means to a woman. I absolutely agree with Ms. Carol’s assessment. I don’t care how fierce your outfit is, how to-die-for your shoes are, makeup can be flawless, nails and feet done just right…if your hair ain’t right….(no need to repeat the rest). I told my family cancer is such an all-consuming disease. It effects every area of your body and your life. I have always liked my hair short. In fact, for about 5 years, the shorter the better. Yet, when I left Colette after she had done such an amazing job on my hair, I wasn’t prepared for how somber I felt inside. 

It is one thing to CHOOSE to cut your hair. It is something totally different when your choice is taken from you and it becomes something you have to do. I am so thankful God hand-picked Colette to be on my breast cancer team. She has the most upbeat, positive personality and extremely sweet spirit. She told me about different things we could do over the summer should I lose all of my hair. What struck me the most about Colette is when I spoke to her on the phone to make an appointment and explain my situation, she said with confidence, “Don’t worry about it. If your hair falls out it will grow back! There are a lot of things we can do. You got this!” After we hung up that day she sent me a text message that said in part: “You are so much more than a conqueror. I’m going to stand beside you and watch you win!” Only God can handpick and place people like her in my life. 

I start chemo tomorrow. Should I lose all of my hair, which I am not saying is going to happen, God does amazing things in my life daily, I am thankful to have Colette on my team to make me look fabulous with or without my hair! As a side note, I told my family if I do lose all of my hair they better get ready because I plan to have a new look on the regular. Colette said it best, “Hair has become an accessory.” Might as well have some fun with it!

Journeying to the Other Side of Breast Cancer: Purpose-Filled Pain

Early on in my breast cancer journey I shared with my friend and fellow breast cancer survivor, Tonya, that I had a dull ache in my heart that just would not go away. Tonya, who by the way is an absolute sweetheart, assured me the pain would eventually go away. As of today, despite my best efforts to pray it away and the tremendous amount of peace I now have, the dull ache in my heart remains. Some days I feel it more than others, but most days it is the underlying feeling beneath my heartbeat. Recently, the Lord brought back to my mind what He told me several years ago about pain.

I was still recovering from the stroke, doing all of the necessary therapies, when Jesus gave me a wonderful acronym for the word pain; Perspective Alignment Insight Navigation. At the time the pain I was experiencing was more mental and emotional, than it was physical. But, pain is pain. He explained the acronym to me by saying, “When you experience pain you must first consciously and willing examine your Perspective. You must see your pain through My eyes, knowing I am a good, loving, kind, and merciful God. Seeing your pain as anything other than something I have permitted in order to help you look more like Me and build your testimony of My miraculous works, will only lead to an endless cycle of more pain and despair. You are Mine and I love you. So, you must know I would only permit your pain out of necessity. Once you have a clear perspective you must Align yourself with My Word on the matter. Then you must ask Holy Spirit for wisdom and guidance that you may have His Insight regarding your issue. Finally, you must trust Me to help you Navigate through your pain. For only I know the way you must go. I have gone ahead of you. I assure you there is an expected end for ALL pain suffered in your life.”

Perspective: It has taken me awhile, but as I mentioned in a previous blog post, my perspective regarding the cancer, chemo, and radiation has radically changed. I did what Jesus said and upon examination I knew my perspective had to change. I do know He loves me. What the devil meant for evil, I know Jesus will most assuredly turn around for good (Genesis 50:20). 

Alignment: To date, I have not prayed once about the cancer or the treatment for it. I have poured out my heart to Jesus about how I feel and about my desire to be an extension of Him throughout the process. Never have I prayed for healing and, although I hoped I wouldn’t have to do chemotherapy, I didn’t pray about that either. Not praying about something so significant is extremely unusual for me. I pray about everything. Without realizing it, I aligned myself with God’s Word on the issue, before my journey began. In December, about a week before the biopsy, Jesus told me this affliction was not unto death (John 11:4). Though He did not say the affliction would be cancer, He did say He had already carried it to the cross. It was His load to carry, not mine. I believed His words and have been standing on His promise ever since. He shared with me the most important detail in advance. I am not going to die, which to me meant I would ultimately be healed. How the healing took place didn’t matter.

Insight: It seems Holy Spirit illuminates His insight to me daily. He reminds me that healing is a process and the dull ache in my heart is the residue of A LOT of painful things happening in succession, but assures me it will go away in time. He showed me that peace and pain, laughter and tears, joy and sorrow, can and often do coexist. He helps me to see more clearly, as He sees, and make “ordinary” moments extraordinary no matter how I feel inside.

Navigation: Years ago, I bought a book by Stormie Omartian called, “Just Enough Light for the Step I Am On.” I ended up sending the book to someone, without reading it. I think of the title often. Daily, Jesus reminds me that I only have to take one step, one breath, one moment, one day at a time. I know He is the Leader on this journey. I need only follow. Eventually, I will arrive precisely where He wants me to be physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and geographically, at the exact moment He has predetermined I will be there.

I can’t say that everyday I have been able to stick to the instructions outlined in the acronym Jesus taught me. So far, there have been many days that I just want to hurt in peace, with my headphones on, not thinking about or dealing with anything. In my spirit, I just stop walking and sit down. I am so glad Jesus always waits for me to get my second wind and never leaves me behind. For today, my strength lies in 2 Corinthians 12:8-10 (NIV). Paul, speaking of a thorn in his flesh, says, “Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” I hear you, Paul! 

Journeying to the Other Side of Breast Cancer: Who Do You Say I Am?

Recently, out of the blue, Jesus asked me, “So, who do you say I am?” Startled by the question all kinds of words flooded my mind…Lord, Savior, Friend, Healer, Provider…Before I could try to put together a coherent, definitive answer, He said, “I will make it easy for you. Just say I AM. Any and every thing You need Me to be I AM.” I found myself pondering that thought the rest of the day.

I didn’t know why His response struck me the way that it did. I accepted Jesus as my personal Savior when I was 5 years old. I distinctly remember making a conscious decision at that young age that I wanted Jesus to live inside my heart. I can’t say that I honestly understood what salvation truly meant at the time. I just knew I loved Jesus and wanted Him to be with me always. And most of all I wanted to see Him in heaven. Thinking about it now, in light of all that has occurred in the last six years of my life, in some ways I think I got stuck on who I learned He was in the Bible days, and who I know He will be when I get to heaven, but never fully allowed Him to be who He is in my now.

The other day I was telling one of my daughters that before I had cancer if I had to describe myself the word “controlling” would never have entered my mind. My personality is such that I can pretty much get along with anyone, go with the flow, and roll with the punches. I respect other people’s right to not agree with my opinion or perspective. I don’t argue or try to change anyone. People are who they are, until they desire to change. Even with my daughters, now that they are adults and it is no longer my responsibility to guide their decisions, I listen to their dilemmas and respond only if my opinion is solicited. Unless God tells me to say something specific to someone, I pray about what I see, and mind my own business. 

When Jesus asked who do I say He is, not was or will be, but who He IS right now I saw a conflict between who I say He is and who I allow Him to be. His question shined a light on how controlling I am when it comes to my own life. When I had the stroke I still felt like I had some measure of control over my own life. I worked as hard as I could in physical therapy and felt very accomplished when I was able to walk without a cane. Occupational therapy was often frustrating, but the first time I was able to cook breakfast for myself I knew every moment of frustration was worth it. Speech and language therapy almost always had me in tears. Julie, my speech therapist, taught me all kinds of “tricks” so I could adapt to my brain’s new way of processing information. My million dollar moment was when I went to the grocery store by myself and did not get overly frustrated trying to follow my list or cry at the cash register when I had to deal with numbers to pay.

Cancer is a whole different animal. Everything about it makes me feel completely helpless and out of control. There is nothing I can do, except trust Jesus to be everything I say He is and more. I will start chemotherapy next week and the thought of it still unnerves me inside. I have to go into it knowing that Jesus really is my Peace, my Healer, my Comforter, my Great Physician and He can be all of those things without my help. The idea that there is nothing for me to do except allow Jesus to be who He is, is a foreign concept for me. When it comes to my own life, being still and knowing He is God makes me feel so uncomfortable.

So, for today, I am thankful for the opportunity to learn how to let go and let God be God. I can only imagine the great freedom I will feel on the other side of breast cancer. I expect to be so comfortable with allowing Jesus to be the I AM of my entire life, ever circumstance, and every concern that I will be able to sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride of my resurrected life in perfect peace and unspeakable joy!